


looking to the future

by 101places



Series: there is only you [13]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: Bastila's got that sweet self-loathing going on but that's also a given, Gen, Gray Jedi, I mean... it's Jolee so Yeah, Jedi Critical, Juhani's there too but it's just a cameo so I'm not going to tag her, Light-Side Ending, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23820793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/101places/pseuds/101places
Summary: Jolee and Bastila discuss the future.( AKA : sometimes u just need an old gray jedi to set things straight )
Relationships: Jolee Bindo & Bastila Shan
Series: there is only you [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686904
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	looking to the future

**Author's Note:**

> i actually quite like how this came out right now wowie
> 
> anyway, as always my revan in nb & uses multiple sets of pronouns. they dont appear in the fic but theyre mentioned a couple of times so i wanted to get that out there
> 
> as is probably obvious, i have a lot of Thoughts about bastila post-kotor. i have detailed hcs about what i like to think happens to her & this doesnt scratch the surface of it but you gotta start somewhere
> 
> also cw for general self-loathing & unhealthy thinking bc Its Immediately Post-Star Forge Bastila IDK What Else To Say
> 
> anyway as always kudos/comments make me less likely to fall to the dark side & attempt to kill all of my friends

The celebrations, Jolee couldn’t help but think, were a bit much.

Oh, yes, there was certainly reason to celebrate. The Star Forge had been destroyed, Malak killed, the Sith Empire forced to retreat after a humiliating defeat. That was more than enough reason to make merry and party - not that Jolee had ever thought reason was _needed_ to party.

But Jolee suspected that the celebrations were akin to placing a plaster over a wound that had not even been cleaned yet - presenting an image to the outside world that everything was completely fine, while underneath the surface infection festered.

Though, thoughts like that weren’t particularly useful. Few would listen to the prattling of an old fool - so he allowed himself to enjoy the celebrations as much as he could while avoiding getting himself trapped in a conversation with Vandar, or any of the other Jedi Masters present, who would surely make an attempt to bring him back to the Order after the great loss they had suffered on Dantooine.

Jolee acknowledged that the Order was in need of new bodies, and even that he could likely do some good if he chose to take up the as-of-yet unspoken offer, but life as a Jedi was one he could not return to. Would not want to return to.

However, he, admittedly, hadn’t decided what he actually _was_ going to do come the morning. The years he had spent on Kashyyyk hadn’t been terrible, but that path, too, was closed to him now. There was a whole galaxy out there. He considered that, perhaps, it was time to look skywards.

“Jolee.” A voice interrupted his thoughts, and Jolee turned to look at the young Cathar who was seeking his attention.

Over the course of the past few months, Jolee had developed a sort of camaraderie with Juhani - a relationship not unlike that of a slightly not-all-there uncle and his favourite niece. Or, he thought with weighted consideration, perhaps not unlike that of a master and student.

“Yes? What do you want?”

Juhani glanced around nervously, piquing Jolee’s curiosity. Perhaps there would be more excitement to come, after all.

When she spoke, after a moment, her voice was lowered to avoid being overheard, “Have you seen Bastila?”

That… hadn’t been what Jolee had expected but, now that he thought of it, he hadn’t seen Bastila in quite some time. He also hadn’t seen Revan - the natural conclusion to come to was that they were together, but… there was a distant stirring of the Force that told him not to jump to conclusions.

“I haven’t. Why?”

“I am… concerned.” Juhani admitted after a moment, beginning to lead Jolee to the side of the room. “She did not appear well when I last saw her. I had intended to speak with her, but…”

“You were distracted by someone and by the time you managed to sneak away she was gone?” Jolee guessed.

Juhani looked away in guilt for a moment, but before Jolee could speak on it she had corrected herself. “I cannot imagine that this is easy on her. She should not be alone.”

“I don’t disagree. Have you told that Padawan?” There was no need to use Revan’s name - there was no one else that Jolee could have been referring to.

This time, Jolee was surprised to see a flash of uncharacteristic irritation on Juhani’s face, but it had vanished after a moment. “The Masters wished to speak with her.”

Jolee chuckled lightly. “Oh, how I wish I could hear _that_ conversation.” Then, he became serious - or, as serious as Jolee was ever capable of being - again. “I’ll keep an eye out for Bastila.”

“Thank you, Jolee.” Juhani nodded politely, before excusing herself, likely to continue her search for the wayward Jedi.

Jolee watched her disappear into the crowd for a moment, before shrugging and heading in the opposite direction. He had nothing better to do, he supposed he could spend some time looking for Bastila.

.

The light from the celebrations in the courtyard below kept Lehon from descending to darkness, and the sound of laughter and merriment overwhelmed the natural sounds of wild-life. The sheer amount of Republic soldiers and Rakatan villagers were even enough to keep the Rancors away - a mercy, as the celebrations would certainly be cut short otherwise.

From where Bastila was perched atop the wall ringing the summit of the Temple, those laughing and drinking below looked so small, and it was easy to feel detached from them. Easy to pretend that she played no part in their lives - had never played a part in their lives.

But that wasn’t the truth, was it?

Mere hours prior, she had been closer to them than she had ever had any right to be. She had twisted their minds, clouded their senses. Now, from her distance, it was far too easy to spot the empty spaces. There should have been far more enjoying in the celebrations.

Why was it that she was here, that she was allowed to walk free, to engage in these frivolities, while those who had fallen due to _her_ actions were not? Where was the fairness - where was the _justice_?

A sudden gust of wind brushed over the temple, and for a horrible moment, Bastila felt the ground beneath her give way, as the strong wind made her weak body lose its balance.

Then, she felt an invisible force around her body, holding her in place and giving her the time and support necessary to correct her position, and keep herself from falling. The sensation vanished after a moment, and Bastila pulled herself away from the ledge, swivelling her body around and standing on the solid surface of the summit.

Now that her back wasn’t to him, she could see Jolee, looking at her with a bemused expression.

“...Thank you, Jolee.” She said, breaking the silence.

“For a Jedi, you aren’t very aware of your surroundings.” Jolee replied, crossing his arms.

 _Is this what it’s come to?_ Bastila wondered, _Being lectured by Jolee Bindo?_

“Yes, well, by all accounts the danger has passed.” Bastila made an attempt to defend herself. “I believe any could be excused for letting their guards down.”

“Right, right. The great Bastila Shan: Defeated Darth Revan, survived Darth Malak, felled by a gust of wind.” Jolee laughed, but Bastila could sense something else there, below the surface. “You can’t let go of basic survival skills just because the war is over. There is always danger.”

“What an uplifting thought.”

“Pah, I’m not here to coddle you, kid, it’s just the truth.”

Bastila looked away. “What are you doing here, Jolee?”

“What are _you_ doing here?”

“I do believe that I asked first.”

“And?”

Bastila narrowed her eyes, while Jolee simply raised an eyebrow. Realising that arguing with Jolee was about as productive as bathing a Bantha, she relented.

“I spoke with the Masters.” She said, looking back down at the crowds below.

“What did they say?”

“They want me to return to Coruscant. They want me to re-train.”

“Oh?”

“Master Vandar spoke of some of his plans. They really are quite thorough. I will receive more intensive training, supervised by a number of the Order’s best. I will return to the basics, re-learning Jedi philosophy. Of course, I could not refuse.”

“Couldn’t you, now?”

“Of course I couldn’t! After what happened on Dantooine - the Order has lost so many promising apprentices. They are in desperate need of members. Besides, I am lucky to have even been given such an offer. After what I did… it is a wonder that they would even consider allowing me to return.”

“And what did you do?”

Bastila paused, sending Jolee an incredulous look. “What?”

“Humour a senile old fool, won’t you? What did you do?”

“I… I betrayed the Order - everything that I had ever believed in - out of nothing grander than fear. I became what I hated the most. I became utterly loyal to Malak - I would have done anything that he asked of me. You cannot have forgotten our fight, on this very summit. I would have killed you.”

“I’d say you’re overestimating your abilities, kid.” Jolee said. “But, regardless, _that_ isn’t how I remember things.”

“What? How do you remember things?”

Jolee leaned back on the balls of his feet, appraising her for a moment. “I remember a Padawan thrown in over her head, on a mission that she was under-qualified for by far. A Padawan who made mistakes, yes, but fought valiantly for her allies, and what she thought was right. A Padawan who, when it came down to it, sacrificed herself without hesitation, knowing that there would be no chance of rescue, for the sake of her mission.”

Bastila listened to Jolee’s words, and looked back down, out at the celebrations below. “Yes, well… that does not undo the damage I caused. Those pretty words will not bring the dead back to life.”

“Ah, but returning to the Order that _started_ this whole mess will, right?”

Bastila shut her eyes. “I don’t have a choice, Jolee. I’m… dangerous. At least the Jedi can keep me from harming others.”

“Are you?”

“Of course! I fell once - who’s to say I won’t fall again?” Her eyebrows furrowed, tension seeping into her expression.

“Oh, so I suppose those who fall are surrounded by the darkness forever, are they? Would you like to break the news to Revan and Juhani, or should I?”

Bastila’s eyes snapped open, and she fixed Jolee with a glare. “That’s different.”

“How so? How are your few days in the dark any worse than that one’s years as the Dark Lord?”

Bastila opened her mouth to reply, then shut it again. “I don’t know, Jolee.”

Jolee regarded Bastila silently, before closing the space between them, walking over to stand behind her, sharing in the sight of the celebrations below.

“You have a choice in front of you.” He finally spoke again. “You can go with Vandar. You can return to Coruscant. No one will stop you, if that’s what you chose. You can become a model Jedi, protect the galaxy from whoever the next full-of-themselves Sith ends up being.

“Or, you can refuse. You can decide that enough’s enough, that you’re through with the Jedi - that you don’t owe them anything, and that you’re a danger to no one except, perhaps, yourself. You can decide that you are the only one who has the right to control your own fate.”

“That’s what you did. Isn’t it?”

Jolee looked over at Bastila with a wry smile. “It is.”

Bastila let the silence stretch on. “...I am not sure what I want.”

“Is anyone, really?” Jolee watched as a group of soldiers trailed away from the main party, returning to their ship to rest. “You don’t have to make this decision alone. Your friends have wisdom - well, most of us do, at least. Not sure about that murder droid - we can help.”

Bastila gave a short nod. “...What are you going to do?”

“What, me? Oh, who knows.” Jolee smiled. “I’ll see what fortune has in store for me.”

Not for the first time, Bastila couldn’t help but feel something akin to envy for the old man. Here she was, fretting over the future, while he was able to accept the uncertainties of it with such grace. Then, to her surprise, the envy cleared, replaced by something more like admiration. Perhaps, she thought to herself, being a little bit more like Jolee wouldn’t be the worst thing.

“...I’ll think about what you said.” Bastila finally said, stepping back from the wall. “For now, I think I have spent far too long up here.”

Jolee nodded, bidding Bastila farewell as she began the trek through the Temple, and back to the festivities below.

When she was gone, Jolee turned his gaze back to the crowds below.


End file.
